


Medley

by debwalsh



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fusion, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern: No Powers, Angst with a Hopeful Ending, Inspired by Free!, M/M, Misunderstandings, Mutual Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-07
Updated: 2018-12-07
Packaged: 2019-09-13 08:52:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,272
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16889445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/debwalsh/pseuds/debwalsh
Summary: Bucky Barnes is the center of Steve Rogers’ universe - the best swimmer on the team, Steve’s best friend from childhood, and the boy for whom Steve pines.And even if Bucky never looks Steve’s way, it’s okay, because they’re together in everything else.Until they’re not.





	Medley

**Author's Note:**

> I asked my Patreon patrons to toss out some prompts so I could write some stories specifically for them. My patron CJ asked for Stucky a la Free! Now, she happened to pick one of my favorite current animes, so this was a lot of fun to write. I might have a small thing for Haruka and Makoto ...

He loved to watch him swim.  Long lines, strong back, legs that went on for miles, and arms that sliced through the water as though they’d been designed for that express purpose.   
  
He supposed that perhaps they had.  In all the turmoil of the world, in all the questions that were raised daily about existence and purposes and future, there was one thing that was truer that true.  And that was that Bucky Barnes had been born to swim.   
  
And Steve Rogers had been born to watch him.   
  
Oh, not in a creeper way.  No. In a teammate kind of way.  In a best friend kind of way.   
  
In an “I have loved you since before i grew hair down there” kind of way.   
  
Although Steve would never admit that out loud.  And besides, he manscaped regularly to ensure the least resistance with the water, so.  Yeah, there wasn’t much, really.   
  
But he digressed, as he often did when his thoughts strayed ... there.   
  
Because there was no point really.  Other than a very brief and anomalous period where he’d held hands and sat close to - yet never really looked at - that cute boy who’d moved away in middle school, Bucky Barnes had never expressed a romantic interest in anyone, male, female, or anywhere along the spectrum.   
  
Which, if Steve weren’t hopelessly besotted with said Bucky Barnes, he’d’ve been 100% okay with, because it meant there was no significant other to interfere or otherwise encroach on Stucky time.   
  
But in reality, Steve found himself constantly waiting, breath held, for the moment when Bucky decided that he was ready for a love interest who wasn’t Steve.   
  
Because of course, Bucky would never be interested in Steve.  He would’ve said, right? At some point in the last 13 years, right?   
  
Wouldn’t he?   
  
They told each other everything, right?  Well, except for Steve’s little secret, but he was sure that Bucky wasn’t keeping any from him.  No, Bucky was pure and righteous and never kept secrets from his best friend, no he was better than that, better than Steve ...   
  
Right, he was digressing again.     
  
So, Steve watched.  His eyes followed every move that Bucky made as he cut through the water, as his head dipped below the surface, then his face turned back up to suck in air, as his body braced and curled in preparation of the turn, as he launched upward, a vision of controlled power, glistening flesh, and exuberant joy as he once again won his heat handily.   
  
And no one needed to know that when Bucky grinned at him, shaking the water out of his eyes with a toss of his head and a swish of his long hair, that Steve’s heart ached with want for this beautiful and incredible boy who loved the water as much as it loved him.   
  
And no one needed to know that when Bucky’s storm gray eyes looked directly at Steve, flesh crinkling with mirth and affection, Steve’s knees went weak with desire for a future he’d never have.   
  
And no one needed to know that when Bucky turned away to haul himself out of the pool, Steve’s heart broke a little more with the knowledge, the immutable belief that his feelings could never be returned.   
  
No one needed to know.  No one could ever know.    
  
“Hey, Rogers! Get the lead out! You’re treating, remember?’   
  
“Yeah, yeh, keep your shirt on, Barnes! Oh, hey, put on some fuckin’ clothes, you exhibitionist!  Ain’t takin’ you anywhere in a Speedo.”   
  
Except to bed in my dreams, said the voice in his head, the one that whispered his most hidden desires, his most shameful impulses.   
  
But no one needed to know.   
  
Especially not Bucky.   
  
&&&   
  
“Whaddya think?  Stark’s party after sectionals?”   
  
“Hmm? Since when do you do parties?”   
  
“I like parties.”   
  
“D&D campaigns ain’t the same thing as a Stark blowout, bud.”   
  
“Never said they were,” Bucky shrugged with a smirk.  “And I am damn good at D&D, asshole. Better’n you, anyway.  So, Stark’s. You’re driving. Pick me up at 7?”   
  
“Why’m I driving?  You wanna go to this thing, you can drive.”   
  
“Nah, see, it’s your turn.  I make the plans, you drive the getaway car.”   
  
“Getaway.”   
  
“Yeah, for when I’ve had too much of Stark and you need to get me out of there before I deck ‘im.”   
  
“Oh, so you only love me for my superior driving skills.”   
  
“Not the only reason, Steve.  So, 7?”   
  
Steve stared at him, brow furrowed, before he shook himself and nodded.  ‘Yeah, 7. Don’t keep me waitin’, jerk.”   
  
“Seriously, punk? Don’t be late!”   
  
&&&   


As sectionals approached, more details emerged about Tony’s post-competition party.

  
It promised to be the party of the century, if not the millennium.   
  
There had never been a party on the scale of what Tony was planning.   
  
Live bands were being flown in from three foreign countries to provide music to different sections of the party space.   
  
Part of the blowout would be live-streamed on Tony’s personal YouTube channel, all proceeds to go to his mother’s favorite charity,  the Special Olympics.   
  
Tony was enthusiastically topping himself each day with new and ever more fantastical news about the party.  His girlfriend, Pepper Potts, told Steve that she was afraid it was all true. And worse, it was just a rehearsal for the truly apocalyptic event he was planning for graduation.   
  
Now Steve was sitting behind the wheel of his car - he referred to it as a classic, but Bucky always called it his Mom!Car - waiting for Bucky on the night of the party.  He couldn’t help the fact his car was as old as they were - it was the best car he could afford, and he was proud he’d bought it and made payments without anyone’s help.   
  
As he drummed his fingers nervously on the steering wheel, he reminded himself for the 70th time that day that he had no reason to be nervous, he had no reason to distract himself with platitudes about his car.  It was just Bucky, his best friend from childhood, his platonic soulmate, his ...   
  
Who was he kidding?  As he waited for Buck to come down from his attic room and join him in the car, Steve took a deep breath and tried to steady his nerves.     
  
It was Bucky, the one person Steve loved most in the world.   
  
It was Bucky, the one person Steve wanted most in the world.   
  
It was Bucky, the one person Steve couldn’t afford to lose most in the world.   
  
“Hey, loser,” Bucky greeted with a cheeky grin as he slid in through the passenger window and dropped with an ooof! into the passenger seat.  “What’s the hold up?”   
  
“Wha-? Oh, you’re here.”  Steve masked his confusion by glancing at his watch.  7:15. “What happened to 7 o’clock?”   
  
“That’s when you were supposed to be here, punk.  Didn’t say anything about me.”   
  
“You jerk!  You’ve had me waiting out here all this time -“   
  
“Hey, long enough to rub one out if you’re inclined.  You didn’t, did you?”   
  
“Yeah, I jizzed all over your seat, numbnuts.  You’re sitting in it.”   
  
Bucky shifted uncomfortably, glancing hesitantly toward Steve.  Despite the grossness of the topic, he felt something loosen and relax in his chest. They were just being SteveandBucky.  Normal, easy. He could do this. Really, he could.   
  
“You didn’t really, did you?” Buck asked, shifting from cheek to cheek.   
  
“With old lady Pasternak watching from her living room window?  Ugh, get a life, Barnes! I ain’t that kinky!” he insisted, revving up the car.  “Seatbelt, asshole.”   
  
“Drive, Steve,” Bucky answered with a grin.   
  
&&&   
  
Tony Stark had been born with the proverbial platinum-vibranium alloy spoon in his mouth.  His father, Howard Stark, was one of the world’s leading scientists, a multi-Nobel winning brainiac who’d never found a field of study he didn’t conquer.  His mother, Maria Salazar Stark, was a former Olympic gold medalist, winning consecutive Olympics in multiple events. She was the most decorated summer Olympian of all time.   
  
They might have seemed an odd pair, but the Starks made it work.  They’d had only one child, Tony, and he was very much a product of them both.  As smart as his Dad, and as at home in the water as his Mom, Tony was both a science prodigy and an avid swimmer.  In fact, he had been the driving force behind reviving the swim team at their school a couple of years ago when they’d all been freshmen, and he’d been instrumental in putting their team on the map and the road to sectionals.  Well, Tony and Bucky, really.   
  
Bucky might not have the pedigree of Tony Stark, but he was equally at home in the water, and equally as competitive.  Together, they’d anchored their team to an increasing pile of wins. Including sectionals, an event their team had all but swept this week.  So they’d earned this little soirée, this small celebration.   
  
Only it was a Stark party, and the Starks never did anything small.   
  
Tony might be a brain and a swimmer, but he was also outgoing and hugely popular.  And everyone - seriously, everyone - knew he threw a helluva party. So it really wasn’t a big surprise when Steve pulled into the parking lot - the satellite parking lot no less - of the Stark estate, there were few open spaces, and a suspiciously large crowd milling about, drinks in hand, moving to the music of one of the live bands that Tony had had flown in just to entertain his guests.   
  
Seriously, since when did Ariana do a high school party?  Or Adam Levine? Yet, there they were, rocking out with a bunch of high schoolers who hadn’t outgrown their adolescent skin yet.   
  
Of course, Steve had to contain his inner squee at the thought of Pentatonix and Cardi B.  And seriously, who knew Adam Levine was so cute in person? Or Ariana was so adorably tiny?   
  
“Dude, close your mouth, you’re leaving a puddle.”   
  
“Remind me how we know Tony again?”   
  
“Sat down with us at our table in sixth grade, informed us we were his best no-science friends, and we haven’t been able to dodge him since.”   
  
“Yeah.  Shit, huh?”   
  
They crested the lawn leading up to the house, and found themselves staring at the southern edge of what the Starks called “The Natatorium.”   
  
Designed by Tony’s Mom, realized by his Dad, and powered by the arc reactor that Tony had created in tenth grade, the Natatorium was a complex of swimming and water environments running the perimeter of the house and grounds.  Transparent tubes of vibranium arced gracefully over the driveway at the front of the house, one side climbing up the side of the house with intake locks connecting to several rooms, while the other side dipped down and under the driveway, disappearing into the ground until it burst upward again in the distance.  Pools, lagoons, and grottos punctuated the property, interconnected and interweaving, lit from within and overhead by phosphorescence Howard developed as a low-cost, low-energy light source. The overall effect was otherworldly, awe inspiring in its own way.   
  
A shirt hit him in the face as Bucky ran ahead, stripping as he went.  Within seconds he was down to his swim trunks, found an entry point into the swim tubes, and was gone.  He cut through the water like a creature of legend, and Steve felt his heart clench anew.   
  
Something so perfect, so breathtakingly beautiful, so ethereally suited to the water as Bucky Barnes was could never love Steve Rogers, plodding and stuck in the earth as he was.   
  
“When are you gonna tell him?” he heard a voice say right at his left ear.   
  
“Tony!  What the fuck?”   
  
“All that pine, you’re gonna need to build a lumber yard.  Or maybe just collect the sap. I dunno. I lost the metaphor.  Why are you standing here? Go get your man! And clean up his mess - I don’t pay people to pick up other people’s clothes, just mine.”   
  
&&&   
  
He found him in the most beautiful spot on the property, a place that stood out among so many perfect spots.   
  
Bucky was seated on the apron around the infinity pool that stretched out into the night, overlooking the town below.  The view was incredible, the water flowing smoothly, glittering with reflected moon and starlight, and then it just seemed to reach into the air.  The pool was built right up to the edge of the bluff, and the ground dropped away sharply to an extended ledge that jutted out about six feet below.  The party was hopping even there, but here, on the edge of the infinity pool, it was quiet, serene, the lap of water quietly drowning out the rest of the world.   
  
“I could live here.”   
  
“Mrs. Stark would probably be willing to adopt you.”   
  
“But then I’d have to live with Tony, and we know that wouldn’t end well.”   
  
“You love Tony.”   
  
“Doesn’t mean I can kill the urge to strangle him every time.”   
  
“Fair enough.  How’d you end up here?  I’ve been looking for you over an hour.”   
  
Bucky turned then and leveled Steve with such a curious look, Steve felt he’d miscalculated and given the game away.   
  
“You’re supposed to be enjoying the party, punk.  Not spending all your time looking for me.”   
  
“More fun with you.”   
  
“Huh.”   
  
The silence that stretched between them then made Steve uncomfortable, disappointed.  Bucky didn’t feel the same. He could lose himself in the solitude of the water, and never miss Steve. Steve would always choose Bucky, regardless of the circumstances.  Always.   
  
Then Bucky said quietly, “Yeah.  Me, too.” It sounded like a sigh, a confession.  Steve had to bite back his own.   
  
It wasn’t that Bucky was beautiful, droplets of water still making their way caressingly down the perfect musculature of his chest and back.  It wasn’t the Speedo that left nothing to the imagination - hell, he’d seen Bucky’s dick, he’d even touched it back when they were both first figuring out their bodies and what felt good. It wasn’t the unmistakable scent of him, the way the lights limned his gorgeous, symmetrical features.   
  
It wasn’t any of that.  It was all wonderful. But none of it was why Steve felt the way he did.   
  
It was all simply because it was Bucky.  That was enough for Steve.   
  
“So.  I was thinking.  Maybe it’s time, y’know?”   
  
“What?”   
  
“Dating.”   
  
Oh.  Bucky hadn’t dated.  He didn’t date. He’d had that one boyfriend back in middle school, Steve couldn’t even remember his name (Scott Lang, his eidetic memory unhelpfully provided). But he hadn’t dated anyone since then.   So why ...?   
  
“What do you think?”   
  
“Me?”   
  
“Yeah, you,” Bucky chuckled, a warm, homey sound that Steve couldn’t get enough of.   
  
“Yeah, I guess.  Dating is, um, good.  For some people. You know.”   
  
“Okay,” Bucky replied, the smile in his voice belying the shattering of Steve’s heart.   
  
“Okay,” Steve said out loud, proud that no one could hear the tears in his voice, tears that flooded his soul from his broken heart.   
  
Bucky wanted to date someone, someone not Steve.   
  
&&&     
  
Steve guessed he shouldn’t be surprised when he saw the compact, good-looking guy with the twinkling eyes and lopsided smile come right up to Bucky and stick out his hand.  “Jimmy? Jimmy Barnes?”   
  
Bucky glanced at the hand, but didn’t seem to know what to do with it.  He looked up at the guy’s face. “Um, I go by Bucky. Or James ... Who ...?”   
  
The guy just shook his head and gathered Bucky into a hug.  Steve was grateful Bucky had taken the clothes Steve had collected and dressed himself before this guy was all over him in the near buff.  “Scott! I’m Scotty. Lang? We used to be boyfriends? Back in middle school?”   
  
“Scott?  Scott Lang? Were we boyfriends? I, um, I didn’t realize -“   
  
“Well I thought we were.  I mean, why else did we hold hands all the time?  But, hey, enough of the glory days! How the hell are you, man?  You look great! And your stats! Wow. Shield High really swept sectionals!  You’re headed for state, right? Man, I am really looking forward to seeing you swim again!”   
  
“Wow, um, thanks, Scott.  But where did you come from?  You moved away, right?”   
  
“Yeah, Dad got transferred.  But Mom and Dad recently divorced, and Mom wanted to come home.  So, I’m back, baby!” he crowed, spreading his hands and winking at Bucky.  It was only then that he noticed Steve.   
  
“And hey, you must be Steve, right?  Steve Rogers? Good to see you, man! I’m looking forward to seeing you swim, too.”   
  
“Um, yeah, I’m surprised you remember me.”   
  
“Remember you?  Geeze, it was always all I could do to separate Jimmy from you. You guys were always joined at the hip, shoulder and head.  Speaking of which, you two ever get together?”   
  
“We are.  We’re together,” Bucky agreed, smiling.  “Always. Til the end of the line, right, Steve?” he asked, turning slightly to turn his smile that somehow got even brighter, even more beautiful, and Steve felt like his soul turned to ash.   
  
Sure, they were together.  Just not the way Steve longed for.   
  
And now the one guy Bucky had ever been interested in was back.   
  
“So, you’re back, Scott?” Steve managed to ask without swallowing his tongue.  “Back at Shield?”   
  
“Yeah,” Scott beamed.  “We didn’t move back early enough for me to try out for the team, but I’ll be there.  Every practice, every meet. Well, the ones that are left, anyway. I mean, you took sectionals.  Y’gotta coupla fun meets, then state. You guys are going all the way to nationals, I can feel it.”   
  
“And you’re gonna be there every step of the way,” Steve repeated hollowly.   
  
“You betcha.  So, like, maybe we can hang, huh?  Just like old times!”   
  
“Wow, yeah, just like old times,” Steve found himself parroting in a flat voice.     
  
Bucky turned back to him, smiling quizzically, but didn’t say anything. He just pulled his phone out of his bag and shoved it at Scott, who quickly keyed in his deets.     
  
Well, shit.   
  
&&&   
  
After that, Scott was everywhere that Steve and Bucky were.  At practices. At meets. On the bus to and from. Lunchtime in the quad.  Waiting for them in the booth when they got to the diner to celebrate with the gang.  With the group when they went to the movies together.   
  
Steve expected to wake up and find him in the goddamned bathroom when he stumbled in to take a piss.   
  
He was always cheerful and fun to be around, and Steve fucking wanted to hate him, but he couldn’t.   
  
And Bucky really seemed to enjoy having him there, as part of the gang, so Steve couldn’t even suggest that maybe they were due for some one-on-one SteveandBucky time.   
  
It was pretty clear that whatever had drawn Bucky to Scott back in middle school was still there, was still drawing Bucky to Scott, and Steve was just redundant.  Just like he felt in middle school.   
  
Tonight, they were jammed together in the huge double booth, all the guys on the team, listening to Scott recount this story about his crazy friend Luis back at his old school when Tony shoved his way in so he could sit next to Steve.   
  
“You’re curiously Barnes-less, Steverino.  What gives?”   
  
Steve just jutted his chin toward where at the other end of the table, Scott made Bucky laugh until tears ran down his face.   
  
“What, the middle school ex?  Be serious. They have as much sexual chemistry as the Muppets, my friend.  Not counting Miss Piggy, of course. Why would you think Barnes is interested in him anyway?  Sure, he’s good looking in a goofy kind of way. He’s actually pretty smart - he’s already been accepted to Stanford for electrical engineering.  Smart, but not my level smart, if you know what I mean. And sure, he’s funny. And Barnes does seem to like him,” he added, trailing off as he watched Scott thump Bucky on the back as he roared with laughter, his eyes crinkling adorably.  “Wow, I’m kinda sorry I didn’t hear the joke if Barnes is laughing that hard. But - where was I?”   
  
“How Scott’s no big deal, even if he’s going to one of the top colleges in the country, he’s goofy good-looking, and he can make Buck laugh harder than I’v ever seen him laugh.  Yeah, no big deal at all.’   
  
“Didn’t say he wasn’t a big deal. I said that Barnes isn’t interested in him.”   
  
“So what?  He’s never interested in anybody.  Except when he is. In Scott.”   
  
“Au contraire my contrary one. Here, have a piece of tech,” Tony added, pulling out the prototype phone he’d designed.  He brought up a video and shoved the screen in Steve’s face. “When you’re not looking.”   
  
The video was taken earlier that evening, and was focused on Bucky.  Steve didn’t realize he’d allowed his chin to sink into his hand staring dreamily at the screen until Tony knocked his arm out from under him.  “Enough of that later, lover boy. Just watch.”   
  
So Steve did.  He saw Bucky laughing, looking up at Scott tell his ridiculous stories.  Steve made to shove the phone away, saying, “I don’t need to see anymore of this -“   
  
“Keep watching.”   
  
Grumbling, he returned his attention to the video.  Well, he couldn’t complain about the view. Buck was beautiful. And his smile ...    
  
His smile.   
  
His smile!   
  
Steve stepped into the frame behind Bucky, and the smile on Bucky’s face changed as he looked up at Steve before Steve turned to him ... oh.  Oh.   
  
“Am I right, or am I right?” Tony asked gently.   
  
Steve lifted his eyes from the screen to look into Tony’s.  “I’ve never seen that before,” Steve breathed.   
  
“He only does it when you’re not looking.  Look, Rogers, pining is cool and all that. But when are you two gonna get your heads out of your very fine asses, and admit how you feel about each other?  To each other? The rest of us are getting kinda tired of the silent longing, you know.”   
  
“But Scott -“   
  
“Is, I think you’ll find, just a friend.  And look, man, I get it. You think you’re being a good friend, stepping aside for someone you think means more to Barnes.  But ... smiles don’t lie. Nothing means more to Barnes than you.”   
  
“I dunno, Tone.  I’d like to believe this, I really would.  But Bucky’s never said a word about being interested in anyone -“   
  
“Have you?  You’re waiting for him to say something.  Why would you think he’s not waiting, too?  One of you has to take a chance. Otherwise, you both are going to be all gross and wrinkly, and still alone.  With each other. Pining. Instead of, you know, boning.”   
  
“Way to wreck a moment, Tony.”   
  
“Just talk to him, Rogers.  Get it out in the open.”   
  
“And what if this is wishful thinking?”   
  
“You really think you can do anything to hurt your friendship with Barnes?  Even if you aren’t both destined to be each other’s epic love, you are easily platonic soulmates.  Only without the platonic, because you are totally soulmates. So go get your man, Rogers!” Tony hissed as he slid out of the booth and headed toward the other table where his girlfriend Pepper sat with some of the other students.   
  
Steve frowned as he watched Tony settle in with his arm around Pepper’s shoulders, already falling into an easy rhythm with his friends Bruce and Rhodey, Nat and Sharon.  Then he turned toward Bucky, and found himself looking directly into Bucky’s eyes, facing that smile he’d never seen until Tony had showed it to him on a phone screen. Bucky raised his hand and did a little wave, his smile tender.   
  
Steve felt his lips lift in an answering smile, his fingers waggling in response.   
  
Could it be?”   
  
&&&   
  
Steve was nothing if not obstinate.  Despite Tony’s urgings, despite the fluttering suspicion he carried with him daily, when it came to actually confronting Bucky to confirm his feelings, he was paralyzed.  So he went to practices, handed off to Bucky in the relay, swam in the next lane during practices. He sat behind Bucky on the bus to the last of the fun meets, smiling and laughing at all the right places while Scott and Bucky chattered and joked.  He set his lips in a hard line when Tony raised his eyebrow meaningfully. He shrugged when Pepper looked at him with sympathy. He gritted his teeth, and bulled his way through.   
  
He was surrounded by friends.  And he’d never felt so lonely in his life.   
  
&&&   
  
State championships loomed big in the Almost Now.  Coach Fury had everyone on the team doubling and tripling up on training, in the pool, in the gym, and on the track.  He focused on building endurance, agility, power. Scott had finagled a position assisting Fury, so he was on hand all the time.   
  
All.  The. Time.   
  
It was hard not to like Scott.  He was personable. He was smart.  He was even kind.   
  
And somehow, he fit into Bucky’s life as seamlessly as if he’d never left.  Steve was beginning to think he fit better than he did. They hung out all the time.  Steve couldn’t remember the last time he and Buck had done something, just the two of them.  He was starting to wonder if they ever would again.   
  
Scott came out of the locker room with a grin, and came over to Steve and asked, “Hey, Bucky and I thought we’d hit that new Korean place after practice.  You in?”    
  
Steve thought he’d throw up.  He’d already finished his mock heat, and Buck was getting ready for his medley.  He’d always liked to prepare by himself, earbuds in while he listened to Queen or one of the other great prog rock bands of the last century.  Steve had learned to leave him alone during that prep time.   
  
Apparently, Scott didn’t have to.   
  
Scott was inviting him to come along with something Scott was doing with Bucky.  Scott was the person Bucky made plans with now.   
  
Steve was invited to come along for the ride.   
  
How had Steve become a third wheel in his own life?   
  
There had never been a moment in Steve’s life when he hadn’t wanted to spend it with Bucky.   
  
Until now.   
  
He looked into Scott’s open face, his grin hopeful and wide, and shook his head.  “Nah. I got a thing tonight.”   
  
He almost blurted out that he didn’t mean it when he saw Scott’s face fall, his expression practically devastated in response to Steve’s rejection.  “Oh. Oh, yeah. Sorry. Um, Bucky said you’d been wanting to try this place, so -“   
  
“I’m sure you’ll enjoy it.  It’s got great reviews. Hey, I’m gonna be late, okay?  Tell Buck I’ll catch up with him later.” And Steve gathered up his duffle, shoved his books in with his wet towels - he had sensitive skin, so he brought his own towels washed in his own detergent, don’t judge - and he bolted from the pool area without looking back.   
  
&&&   
  
BUCKY:  Steve.   
  
Steve sat on his bed in his room, in the dark, his arms wrapped around his knees as he rocked back and forth.    
  
The screen on his phone seemed shockingly bright when it lit up with Bucky’s text.  The tone, a riff from Bohemian Rhapsody, nearly made him jump out of his skin.   
  
He flicked the phone over so the screen faced his comforter.   
  
He didn’t want to read how he should join Bucky and his boyfriend - his new best friend - at the restaurant.  He didn’t want to sit front row center while Bucky fell in love with someone else.   
  
Tony was wrong. It had been months now, and he felt more distanced from Bucky than ever before.  He’d been replaced. Bucky’s boundaries had been withdrawn for Scott. Bucky let him in where he’d always held Steve at bay.   
  
Another text blared its arrival, and Steve picked up his phone, unlocked the screen, and set the phone to do not disturb.  Then he tossed the phone across the room so it bounced off his clothes piled on his chair, and settled with a thunk on the floor.   
  
Shit.  He couldn’t afford to step on it later, so he uncurled himself and trotted over to pick it up off the floor.  He thumbed the key code in to shut the phone off when he saw the most recent text from Buck.   
  
BUCKY:  Steve we gotta talk   
  
He turned the phone off, feeling numb.   
  
Like anything good had come out of any conversation that started off with, “we gotta talk.”   
  
&&&   
  
Steve managed to be always too busy to talk for an entire week leading up to States.  He could tell that Bucky was getting angry, something he rarely did - he had one of the most even tempers Steve had ever encountered, which was good because Steve’s could flare and burn hot out of nowhere.     
  
Bucky wasn’t the only one who was frustrated by Steve.  Tony tried to talk to him, Sam tried to waylay him. Even Scott tried to speak with him.   
  
He just always claimed he had to be somewhere else right then, and took off, mired in his own well of misery.   
  
The only person who seemed happy with him was Coach Fury.  Steve managed to channel all his frustration, all his anger, all his pain into his swimming.  He was posting better and better times, his technique was getting better, his breath was far superior to what it had been at the beginning of the season, and he was generally becoming one of the team’s powerhouses.   
  
He could hear the chatter in his wake that he was a contender at States.  Not just in his single heats, but in the team events, too. He actually heard a couple of people talking about him taking the lead over Tony and even Bucky.   
  
Well, that was something, he guessed.   
  
His heart was broken, but he was a medal contender.   
  
&&&   
  
The morning the team boarded the bus to States, Steve arranged himself so he was sitting next to Sam Wilson on the outer window seat.   
  
“Do not involve me in your stupid white boy drama,” Sam hissed at him when they saw Bucky boarding the bus right behind Scott.   
  
“No drama.  Just hanging with a friend.”   
  
“A friend you conveniently remembered when your other half found a new pal.  I know what you’re doing. It ain’t gonna end well, Steve. You know that. You can’t dodge Barnes forever.  I don’t understand why you even want to.”   
  
Steve watched as Bucky cast a hurt look in his direction, then dropped down in the seat next to Scott, staring straight ahead.   
  
Steve heard an odd noise, and started when he realized it was him, whimpering softly.   
  
“Oh, for Christ’s sake, Rogers.  Man up, why don’t you? The pair of you!”  Sam went on to mutter to himself about dumb white boys who don’t know how to pull their heads out of their asses and expect their very fine good friends to hide them so they didn’t have to deal with reality.  And his Mama didn’t raise him to be an enabler, and sometime soon, Steve was going to have to face up to the fact that he needed to grow a pair and stop being such a fucking pussy about Barnes ...   
  
Steve sank down in the seat, settled his ball cap on his head so it screened his eyes, and pretended to fall asleep.  It was a long ride to the capital and the state championships.   
  
&&&   
  
The hotel lobby was barely contained chaos.  The parking lot outside was full of busses arriving and disgorging throngs of teenagers and their chaperones, and those throngs were swirling and eddying around the lobby while coaches and managers sorted them out and got them packed away into hotel rooms for the duration of the competition.  Everyone would rest up, then meet for a championship banquet hosted by one of the big corporate sponsors of the event.   
  
Steve was shuffling alongside of Sam when he heard a high-pitched shriek, “Scotty!” and looked up to see a beautiful dark-haired girl literally launch herself into the air to be caught by none other than Scott Lang.   
  
“Hopey!  Oh baby, I’ve missed you!” he replied excitedly, then proceeded to kiss her enthusiastically while she climbed him like a tree.   
  
Sam turned to Steve and arched an eyebrow meaningfully.  “Uh-huh,” was all he said as Fury tapped Scott on the shoulder to end the display of PDA.   
  
Steve scanned the crowd to find Bucky, only to see him glance at Scott and the girl - Hopi? Hope? - and smile fondly before his eyes lifted to look directly at Steve.  Steve couldn’t’ decipher the emotion in those gray-blue eyes, and he found that hurt more than anything. There was a time when it felt like he and Bucky shared a single brain between them, and now Steve felt completely cut off.  He looked away, searching for Sam. When he stole a glance again, Bucky was gone.    
  
Hope stood on her tiptoes and kissed Scott on the cheek before melting back into the crowd to rejoin whatever group she’d come in with.  Scott stood there with a dopey smile, rubbing his cheek absently.   
  
“That’s it, listen up!” Coach Fury announced. “Lang here has the room assignments.  See him for who you’re buddying up with. And no, my team will not be sharing quarters with Ms. Hill’s.  You lot sort out your goddamned hormones on somebody else’s time. Lang?”   
  
Looking like he’d been mauled by a Hope-sized bear, a bit dazed and a lot rumpled, Scott started reading off pairings, and handed out a packet to each roommate containing keys, breakfast vouchers, and rules of the road.  He kept working through the names until he called out, “Barnes, Rogers, you’re together -“   
  
Steve stood, immobile, unwilling and unable to step forward to get his key.  Bucky stood on the other side of the group around Scott, frowning at Steve, his eyebrows scrunched together so tightly it looked painful.   
  
“Hey, I don’t care which of you picks up your keys, just pick ‘em up,” Scott said jovially, but there was an edge of discomfort in his voice.   
  
Steve still couldn’t move, so Bucky grabbed the packets from Scott and flung Steve’s at him.  He caught it, only fumbling slightly, but still he couldn’t budge.   
  
“Really, Steve?  What the actual fuck?” Bucky swore at him as he passed by on his way to the elevator.   
  
And still Steve remained.   
  
Even Sam couldn’t get him to move, and when he tried to bully him toward the elevator, Steve shook his head, whispering, “I gotta talk to Scott.”   
  
“You gotta talk to Barnes.”   
  
“First Scott.”   
  
Sam looked at him for a long moment before finally nodding.  “Okay. I’m rooming with Barton, so if you need me, come rescue me from that dumpster fire.  Right?”   
  
“Right.”   
  
&&&   
  
Scott handed out the last of the key packets and then he turned to Steve.   
  
“I’m guessing you wanted to say something.”   
  
“I wanted to ask you something.”   
  
Scott drew a shaky breath, but nodded.  “Okay. Shoot. Not literally, but yeah, ask your question.”   
  
“You and Bucky.  Did he know you were cheating on him?   
  
Scott’s eyebrows shot straight up, eyes widening like a cartoon.  “Say what now?”   
  
“Bucky.  Cheating.  You and that girl, Hope.  Did he know?”   
  
“I’m not cheating on anyone, Steve.  Hope’s my girlfriend. We’re talking marriage after college.”   
  
“But you and Bucky -“   
  
“Yeah?” Scott shrugged.   
  
“You’re boyfriends -“   
  
“Not since middle school.  I mean, I guess we’re still boys, and we’re definitely friends.  But Bucky already has a boyfriend, Steve. You know this,” he added with a grin.   
  
And hearing Scott tell him there was even someone else made Steve want puke up his guts from the last six months.   
  
When Steve didn’t answer, Scott shook his head, frowning.  “C’mon, man, you’re joking, right?” Scott asked, chuckling softly but with an encroaching edge of hysteria.  Like he’d just realized that everything he knew was wrong.   
  
Kind of like Steve.   
  
Steve shook his own head slowly, miserably, completely deaf to the sounds of people milling and swirling about the hotel lobby, the clerks doing business at their desks, the bellhops shunting luggage to and from the elevator bank that dinged and whooshed behind them.   
  
“Steve, Bucky told me you’re his boyfriend.  The way you look at each other, the ... Geeze, Steve.  Are you crying?”   
  
Steve touched a finger to his cheek and realized that tears were running down, hot and salty.  “I’m not Bucky’s boyfriend. We’re barely friends anymore. He spends all his time with you -“   
  
Scott just stared at Steve with his mouth hanging open for a beat.  Two. Three. Then he grinned shakily and shook his head.   
  
“Oh, God.  Oh God! No.  No, I was missing Hope, and he’s just been hanging out with me to make me feel better.  Shit, you’re right, we’ve been spending all our time together, so you guys, you haven’t had a chance to date or anything -“   
  
“I told you, I’m not Bucky’s boyfriend.  We’re not dating. We’re not even speaking.”   
  
Scott’s face drained of color as his mouth hung open.  “This is my fault. Oh my God, this is my fault! I was always so jealous of you, of what you had with Jimmy, with Bucky.  I figured you guys were so solid, nothing’s gonna break you apart. That’s like goals, Steve. Everybody wants a relationship like you two have.  And you both were so nice to me, and I was so lonely without Hope and my friend Luis - he’s a crazy man, you’re gonna love him, but no, that’s got nothing to do with you and Bucky.  Oh my God! You thought Bucky and I were dating? Right in front of you? Wait, how could you not know you were Bucky’s boyfriend?”   
  
“Because I’m not.  I never was. I ... don’t know if I ever can be.  Not after -“ Steve felt the sob choking him and he had to cover his eyes with his hand as he shook his head.   
  
“He believed you were.  Steve, Bucky loves you,” Scott said gently, laying a careful hand on Steve’s shoulder.   
  
Steve raised his face to look directly at Scott.  “Yeah? He tell you that?” Scott nodded solemnly.  “Well, he never said a word to me about it.” Scott’s ashen face grew even paler.   
  
“Steve.  Y’gotta talk to Bucky about this.  You two belong together, y’gotta believe me.  I don’t know how I can make it up to you - I never intended, hell, I never thought it was possible.  Steve, please,” Scott pleaded, and Steve sniffed and nodded.   
  
He patted himself down to find the packet Bucky had tossed at him and fished out the key.  “Wish me luck.”   
  
Scott nodded vigorously.  “Good luck.”   
  
&&&   
  
Steve let himself into the room he was going to share with Bucky, and glanced nervously around the room.  He saw Bucky lying on his back on the bed closest to the far wall, playing on his phone. Steeling himself, Steve stepped into the room, tossed his bag on what was apparently his bed, and announced, “We need to talk.”   
  
“Ya think?”   
  
“Why does Scott think I’m your boyfriend?”   
  
“Because you are.”   
  
“I’m not.  I never have been.”   
  
Slowly, Bucky set his phone down and sat up.  “Yeah, you are.”   
  
“No, I’m not.  Buck, we’re barely even friends anymore.  We never spend time together just the two of us, you’re always with Scott and not me.  And that restaurant I really wanted to try? Do you have any idea how it felt for Scott to invite me to come along with the two of you there?  Shit, Buck, you might as well told me you didn’t wanna be friends anymore. I didn’t think it was possible for us to be so out of sync, but the last coupl’a months?  They’ve sucked, Buck. And to hear from Scott that you thought we were dating all this time? I gotta tell you, your idea of romance? Bites the big one.”   
  
“I asked you to be my boyfriend.  You said yes.”   
  
“You never asked me that.”   
  
“I did.  At Stark’s party.  After we won sectionals.”   
  
“Buck, you never asked me to be your boyfriend.  You just said it was time to date. You never said you wanted to date me.”   
  
“I ... huh.”   
  
“And how could we be dating?  We’re never together, the two of us.  You never tried to touch me, kiss me - not even hold my hand.”   
  
“I figured I was waiting until you were ready.  On account of you being asexual.”   
  
“I’m not asexual.”   
  
“Yeah, you are.  You’ve never been involved -   
  
“I’m gay, and very much interested in kissing, making out, hand jobs, blow jobs, the whole sexual smorgasbord.  The reason you haven’t seen me with anyone else is because I’ve been in love with you since i was eight, you completely oblivious asshole.  You’re the only person I’ve ever wanted to be involved with.”   
  
“Huh.”   
  
“As boyfriends go, you have no idea what it means to date somebody, do you?  ‘Cos boyfriends don’t have a third wheel with them all the time. I thought you were dating Scott, Buck.  And I thought you were dropping my friendship.”   
  
Bucky was standing now, staring at Steve dumbfounded and slack-jawed.  Steve stared back at him silently, then sighed, a big release of air that left him feeling empty.  He closed his eyes and swallowed, then turned away to unpack his bag.    
  
The silence continued between them, crackling in the air like a storm about to break.  Steve felt tears begin to well up again, tighten his throat, burn behind his eyes.   
  
Itstoolateitstoolateitstoolate   
  
“I’ve really fucked up, haven’t I?” Bucky asked quietly.   
  
“Yeah,” was all that Steve could choke out.   
  
His back still to Bucky as he busied himself with mindless fiddling of his stuff in the drawers, Steve heard Bucky’s indrawn breath end on a shudder.   
  
“I was just trying to be nice to Scott. He wasn’t as happy to back here as he made out to be.”   
  
“So he said.”   
  
“I thought we had an understanding.  I didn’t ... I didn’t realize this would be different.  More important, I guess.”   
  
“Yeah.”   
  
“You never said anything.”   
  
Steve turned at that, rested back against the hotel dresser.  “I thought I only wanted you to be happy. You seemed happy,” Steve shrugged.  “Then you seemed happy without me.”   
  
“I wasn’t.  I’m not. I can’t ever be.”   
  
Steve absorbed that and let a little part of him sing at the potential in that statement.   
  
“So how do I fix this?”   
  
“You could start by telling me what you really want.  And I’ll tell you what I want.”   
  
“I want all that.  Kissing, making out, hand jobs, blow jobs.  Holding your hand. I want you to be my boyfriend.  I want to be yours.”   
  
“Why didn’t you just say that all those months ago?”   
  
“I thought I did.  I guess I said it all in my head, and what came out ... “   
  
“Was confusing as hell.”   
  
“I never meant to hurt you, Steve.  I ... I love you. I always have, too.”   
  
“Even when you dated Scott in middle school?”   
  
“We never dated.”   
  
“He said you did.”   
  
“Yeah, no.”   
  
“You held hands with him for six months.”   
  
“I didn’t have a reason to say no.”   
  
“You’re a very strange boy, Bucky Barnes.”   
  
“But am I your boy?”   
  
“Get over here and kiss me.  I’ll let you know.”

**Author's Note:**

> This was all going along swimmingly until it took a left turn into Angstville. But I kind of feel like that echoes Haru and Mako - Haru is so caught up in his own little world, in his head, and Mako lets his life revolve around Haru. I kind of feel like Haru couldn’t function without Mako making up all the deficits in Haru’s interaction with the world.
> 
> Anyway, I might come back and write an epilogue for this at some point, but I’m relatively happ where this ended. I’d love to know what you think!


End file.
